


Exposed Scars

by edxwin_elric



Series: Something to Report [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, POV First Person, Pregnancy, Romantic Fluff, Scars, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 06:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13675956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edxwin_elric/pseuds/edxwin_elric
Summary: Late night pillow talk turns serious.





	Exposed Scars

**_Riza_ **

I’m almost asleep when I feel the bed depress behind me. The musky scent of his soap surrounds me, and I feel his lips against my neck.

“How are you feeling tonight?” His strong voice dips low as he whispers against my ear.

“Tired,” I answer truthfully. “I’ve been in a fog today. And also, really cold.”

“Cold? Do you think you’re getting sick?” The sudden panic in his voice is both comforting and slightly irritating.

“No. Nothing like that. I think it’s the babies,” I yawn, snuggling backwards into his arms.

“How?”

“They’re sucking the life and heat out of my body.”

He laughs softly and combs my hair back. “They’re tiny infants, Reez. Not parasites.”

“Tell that to my back,” I groan.

“Why? Is it bothering you?”

“I think they rearranged my spine. It hurts when I move, and it aches when I don’t. Will you…” I look at him over my shoulder. “Will you rub it for me?”

“Of course. Here.”

He helps me shift to give him better access, and before I fully lay back down, I remove my top.

I’ve just settled into position when I hear him suck in air through his teeth.

“Roy? Are you–”

I stop mid-sentence when I feel his fingers brushing lightly over my skin. My scar tissue. The places where he distorted the tattoo.

“I hate this,” he announces gruffly.

I shut my eyes and wince at his voice—full of self-loathing.

“I told you a thousand times, I’m not mad at you,” I tell him softly. “I asked you to. I wanted you to.”

“I didn’t want to,” he counters. “I… It wasn’t even about the research. Not even a little. It was…”

“I handled myself just fine,” I remind him.

I never complained. Not even when my skin was blistered and bloody. I never screamed from the pain, even when I wanted to. I was strong.

“I know you did,” he goes on, still stroking the warped skin on my back. “I watched you bite your lip until it bled, holding in whimpers and screams. You didn’t make a single fucking sound, but you couldn’t hold back the tears. You were in too much pain for that.”

I don’t answer immediately, knowing he’s right. He remembers it better than I do. I try not to think of that night any more than I have to. But I know it haunts him.

“You may not blame me for hurting you, but I do,” he confesses in a low voice.

“Roy, we’ve been over this so many times. How many more will it take?” I turn a bit to face him, speaking softly. “You didn’t hurt me. You saved me.”

“It hurts me!” he fires back, making me flinch. “It hurt me to do it, and hurts me to see it. To know I did that to you. _This_. That I did _this_ to you. That I used my alchemy to destroy something beautiful, and make you cry in the process. The agony I saw in your eyes while I did it? I can’t just ignore that. Pretend it didn’t happen. Especially not when the evidence is right here in front of me.”

He falls silent, continuing to trace my scars, as if by touching them gently enough, he can reverse them.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I didn’t realize…”

I mean, I knew he felt guilty about destroying my father’s research, and that he wasn’t happy about what I asked of him, but I didn’t know the full extent of his regret. I didn’t realize he felt so… That it was this hard for him.

I gasp as a new thought pops into my head.

“Roy?” I murmur.

“Hmm?”

“Are you… Are you mad at _me?_ ” I ask into the silence.

His hand stops at a place on my lower back.

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I was the one who asked you to do it. I practically begged you, even though you said from the beginning you didn’t want to.”

I’m the reason he feels so guilty. If I just hadn’t asked—made him feel obligated, he wouldn’t be—

“No, Riza,” he says quietly, pressing his lips to my temple. “I don’t and have never blamed you. I understood your reasons, and if I was truly against it, I wouldn’t have helped at all. I did it because you asked, but it was my choice. I accept full responsibility for my actions.”

I don’t know what to say. It’s not like I can fix it, make my skin heal itself. I’ve tried to convince him for years not to beat himself up about this, but, obviously, I’ve failed.

“Roy, I… I’m sorry. I wish I’d never–”

“Don’t say that,” he cuts me off. “For one thing, I know it’s a lie. You wanted it like this, and you don’t regret it. I know you don’t. And if you say you wish you’d never asked me to do it, well, that just means it was for nothing. That I put you through that for nothing. I wouldn’t be able to live with that.”

I feel tears start gathering in my eyes, and I know it isn’t hormones this time. I take a deep breath, and say the only thing I think might help.

“I think I love them,” I say softly. “The scars.”

“What?” He jerks back and frowns at me. “Why… How?”

“You gave them to me,” I explain, trying to keep the tears out of my voice. “I know you hate it, but you marked me. Forever. I’m yours, and I have these to prove it.”

He doesn’t answer for a minute, and I’m afraid I’ve made him angry.

“Roy, say something.”

“You’re right,” he replies in the low voice again. “I’ve only ever thought of them as cruelty and torture, but… That’s in the past. This is your skin now. It can’t be reversed, and it can’t be ignored. If I love you, and I do. I need to learn to love these.”

“As hideous as you think it is,” I whisper.

“Not hideous.” He lowers his lips to my back and kisses one of my scars. “Yours. _Ours_.”

_Oh_. That’s…sweet. I’m quiet for a minute as he moves his mouth along my back, pressing a soft kiss on each one of the places he created. Not destroyed.

 Wait,” I voice as a thought occurs to me. “What have you been doing during sex?”

“What?”

“I mean, like the other morning, when we were spooning and then…”

“I don’t look,” he confesses. “I always look away.”

“Oh…”

“I’m going to get better,” he assures me. “From now on, I’m going to worship this part of you. It binds us.”

“I’m not the only one with scars,” I change the subject slightly rolling onto my other side, slowly because of my pregnant belly. “This one…” I reach out and rest my hand on his abs, where Lust stabbed him. “I have nightmares about it.”

“Really?”

“Well, not as much anymore. But before… I used to dream you didn’t save yourself. That she really did it… That I truly lost you.”

“Fuck, Riza. Why didn’t you say something?”

“I…did,” I reply quietly. “I called you in the middle of the night, and when you asked what was wrong, I said I just–”

“Needed to hear my voice,” he finishes for me. “We sat in silence, and I listened to you breathe.”

“I just needed to know you were there. On the other end of the phone,” I explain, running my fingers over the pinched skin again before moving to grab his hands. “These… These are the ones that hurt me,” I confess, looking up into his eyes.

“I know,” he whispers. “It was neither of our faults, what they did to us.”

“What they did to you,” I correct him. “They cut me,” I pause when his eyes flash to the white line curving around my neck. “But they ruined you.”

“I’m not ruined anymore,” he counters. “Marcoh got me my sight back. My career is still completely on track. I have you. I have these.” He pulls one hand from mine and reaches down to rub it across my extended belly. “I’m far from ruined, Riza.”

“You didn’t see your face,” I whisper. “When they pinned you down. And you didn’t hear your voice.”

Or my heart crying out.

“Hey,” he murmurs, tilting his head down and touching his forehead to mine. “I’m right here. We won, remember? We get to go on living.”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“You’re right,” I concede, releasing his other hand and reaching up to caress his face. “I have you, and they have nothing.”

“Exactly.” He brings his lips down to mine and burns me with one of his crushing kisses.

It’s lips and tongue and his taste. His hand in my hair and the pressure of his mouth over mine, claiming and hot.

When he lets go, I’m breathing hard.

“I think we should leave anymore talk of our scars here, don’t you?” I suggest softly.

“Yes. I think that’s a good idea.” He runs his fingers along my jawline. “For now, at least.”

“You should get some rest,” I sigh, curling into his chest as much as I can, given my shapely maternity figure. “You have work in the morning.”

“You’re one to talk, Lieutenant,” he counters, pulling me close. “You have babies to grow. That takes a lot of work, so I’m told.”

“Then you’d better shut up and let me sleep,” I mumble, tucking my face into his neck.

I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. The intensity of that conversation wore me out even more than being pregnant. If he says anything after that, I don’t hear it. The only thing in my ear is his heartbeat.

Strong.

Steady.

Here.

 


End file.
